Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
