I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
Randomize
