I think i peed on brittanys purse
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
don't judge my taste in strippers
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
