Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Randomize
