I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Randomize
