i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Randomize
