I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
