i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
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