So drunk, too bad you don't want this
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
