i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
Randomize
