Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
Let the clothes fall where they may.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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