Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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