so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Randomize
