You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
