'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
