WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
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