I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
