Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
Will you blow on my dice?
Potential corruption. He's 19.
Get them while they're young!
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Randomize
