hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Randomize
