i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
