I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
