a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Randomize
