I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
My feet surprised me
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