Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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