Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
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