My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
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