when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
