While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Randomize
