Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
True strength comes from lack of pants
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
