i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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