I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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