You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
