So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Randomize
