she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
