Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
