I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Randomize
