Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
I accidentally burped into my bong.
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
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