we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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