So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
operation harelip BJ is a go
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
