so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Randomize
