brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Randomize
