did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
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