his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
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