my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
