I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
