can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
