I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
This is the high leading the old right now
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
