You can't motorboat a personality
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
Randomize
