Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
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