From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
