LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Randomize
